mimblexwimble | things left unsaid (unheard) [spn][flash fiction]

Title: Things Left Unsaid (Unheard)
Fandom: Supernatural
Characters: Dean, Sam, John
Word Count: 554
Rating: PG-13 (Language)
Warnings: Spoilers 4x21
Summary: Winchesters never say what they mean or mean what they say.

When Dean's twenty-two, he learns that ultimatums are his father's weapons. He learns that they work well with people who love to please him.

He learns that Sam's had enough of them.

They aren't things his father means at all, but his despair and love and fear wrapped up in steel words and icy glares and an angry voice. Winchesters don't just come out and say, I'm scared as fuck for you, Sammy. Don't go. They cloak and mask and hide, layer after layer, until only they know what they're really saying, and sometimes not even that.

Sam says, It's just college, Dad. It's okay. It's just school.

Dad says, If you walk out that door, Sam, don't you ever come back.

And Sam closes his eyes and nods his head. He picks up his duffel bag, and his backpack and his hopes and dreams and walks right past Dad. He turns back at the door, for a moment, a second, and looks at Dean. His eyes ask (plead), Are you going to say something?

Dean doesn't. Just watches Sam leave, throat closed tight to stop the broken pieces of his heart falling out.

It's not until later, that Dean thinks Sam meant are you going to say something to me and not are you going to say something to him and maybe, for once, it would have been okay to say what he meant instead of what he thought should be heard.

He wanted to say, Stay here. He wanted to say, I haven't lived without you for eighteen years, don't make me start now. He wanted to stay, Don't make me choose between you and Dad. He wanted to say, Don't go.

But he didn't.

So Sam left.

When Dean's thirty and the Apocalypse is just around the corner, and his greatest fears are being played out right in front of his eyes, he learns that Sam's not the only one like John. He learns that, if you spend your whole life trying to become someone, parts of you will become that someone.

He stands across from his brother and hears, Trust me.

He stands across from his brother and thinks, I can't watch you burn, Sam. You don't know what you're doing.

He stands across from his brother and says, You’re a monster.

And because Winchesters never say what they mean or mean what they say, he doesn't say, I love you.

He doesn't say, The angels say you'll turn, Sammy. They say I'll have to kill you. Don't put me in that position. Don't.

He doesn't say, Don't go because you need her - stay because you need me.

None of that. Nothing he means. Nothing he wants Sam to know.

Sam says, You don’t know me. You never did... and you never will.

Dean says, You walk out that door, don't you ever come back.

The words are hardly out of his mouth before he’s thinking, no, because he of all people knows Sam and he of all people knows the damage those words have done. He wants to take them back, wants to snatch away the words and the ringing in his ears.

But he doesn’t. He can’t.

A part of him won’t, too much anger, too many lies, too much fear.

And Sam leaves again.

**

End